April 25

Wicked, Wicked (1973, d. Richard L. Bare)

An empire of palms.
Bodies glide to each other
In mirror image.

Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988, d. Ken Wiederhorn)

Bite the hand that feeds!
Graverobber’s got the virus
And will feast soon too.

Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993, d. Brian Yuzna)

The vagrant zombot!
Filmmakers make what they know.
They should make douches.

The Italian Stallion (1970, d. Morton Lewis)

Stand back, boys and girls,
He’s about to let one loose.
Italian scallion.

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April 24

Demonoid: Messenger of Death (1981, d. Alfredo Zacarias)

The statue of Christ…
It plays a bad hand with him.
And also with you.

Paint It Black (1989, d. Tim Hunter and Roger Holzberg)

Sally’s lifeless corpse
Lies a mouldrin’ in the grave
Her truth marches on.

The Cellar (1989, d. Kevin Tenney)

Such beauty is found
Behind or beneath the seal
Of a cellar door!

April 23

Gnaw: Food of the Gods II (1989, d. Damian Lee)

Gods must be crazy.
Do his big hands fall through cracks?
Enjoy his wet dreams.

Night of the Demons (1988, d. Kevin Tenney)

This party is cracked.
Wake the neighbors, raise the dead.
Sucking sour balls.

April 22

Mortuary Academy (1983, d. Michael Schroeder)

Soused Bartell loses
His corpse girlfriend in the tide.
Tide takes him out, too.

DOA: Dead or Alive (2006, d. Corey Yuen)

Eric Roberts proves
After years in the shadows
He can’t do kung fu.

Shakma (1990, d. Tom Logan & Hugh Parks)

Dungeon masters find
A mad monkey in their midst.
Cast magic missile!

April 18

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988, d. David DeCoteau)

Shake the Gargoyle’s paw
He’ll grant your lustful wishes!
Wish I weren’t a pledge.

Blood Sisters (1987, d. Roberta Findlay)

The last pledge that came
Lost her head, her hips, her arms.
An authentic fright!

The Evil (1978, d. Gus Trikonis)

Come out, ye creepers…
Make Richard Dawkins humble!
I ain’t ‘fraid no ghost.

The Evictors (1979, d. Charles B. Pierce)

Harper’s farmhouse ghost
Wrecks havoc, breaks windows, wants
Some strange on the sly.

April 17

Out of the Body (1989, d. Brian Trenchard-Smith)

Cop eats the bullet.
Levitation surprises
His sultry suspect.

Out of the Dark (1989, d. Michael Schroeder)

You rubbery nut.
I won’t smell your flower, clown!
Silly little squirt.

Go West (1923, Hal Roach)

And an ape like me
Can conduct a train like you.
Ah-ook-ooh-bee-doo.

April 14

Leprechaun (1993, d. Mark Jones)

Rhyming luck wizard
Reclaims his gold from slickers
With gruesome gusto.

Leprechaun 2 (1994, d. Rodman Flender)

On St. Patrick’s Day,
All assholes come out to play.
“Kiss me, I’m Irish.”

Leprechaun 3 (1995, d. Brian Trenchard-Smith)

It’s said Lep protects
The king’s gold. It’s no wonder
They hit it off so.

Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997, d. Brian Trenchard-Smith)

Lep travels in time.
In space, none can hear you rhyme.
Up your arse, boy-o.

Leprechaun in the Hood (2000, d. Rob Spera)

Straight outta Ireland,
The Lep begins his descent
Into the ghetto.

Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood (2003, d. Steven Ayromlooi)

All his hidden charms.
The Lep sneaks in a bong hit.
Sure and begorrah.